Posted on | September 24, 2011 | 1 Comment
I’m no neurologist, so, obviously, I’m not qualified to make diagnoses.
Nonetheless, back when I was a kid I started noticing that nobody else experienced a strange thing I felt.
I could feel what other people feel when I looked at them. So, I could sense the mood, if a person feels pain, I could feel their attitude towards another person or a situation. Sometimes, I even could feel what kind of personality the other person is without ever talking to him/her.
And then I found it to be quite disturbing.
Back at school I liked a girl. The funniest thing was that I’ve never talked to her. Didn’t ever need to talk to her to know how she felt, how was her day. Her body language gave out much more than her words could ever do.
And then I realized that I was perceiving a powerful channel of information and it sometimes was stronger than any other.
So, why would I need to talk, if I can feel it?
The next “revelation” was that people are used to communicate verbally. And I found my “skill” to be quite distracting.
How could anyone ever understand me if I’m quiet? How could she possible like me back if I never talked to her?
I started “jamming” the signal. I was repeating “it doesn’t matter”, “don’t pay attention, it’s just in your head”.
Since then these “senses” almost disappeared. Sometimes, they came back, stayed for a while and, not being used, disappeared again.
But today… Just now…
I happened to walk into the kitchen just when my cat was eating.
I came closer and I was observing. There was nothing strange about her eating.
She was taking a piece of food after a piece. She was chewing it and swallowing.
But what was strange was that I actually felt as if I was eating the food.
I could feel it on my tongue, I could feel the taste and touch of the food.
I could feel the jaw muscle strain. I could feel the muscles of my back as if they were hers and held my head above the plate.
I felt how the food was going down my/her throat. It felt that there was no difference between the two of us.
So, how can it be in my head if I only feel it when seeing the outside world?
Maybe someday I will be able to answer the question. Maybe I will be able to put a clever label on this kind of situation.
For now I will call it synesthesia.
After all, I feel that number 5 is a father, 6 is his sister, who is married and has 7 and 8 as her children. 9 is a grandmother.
Yes, this is crazy.